The Crabby Librarian
There isn’t any GOOD part of story time and I don’t like anything about children. The most fun thing to do is to end story time early or make everyone read silently. I want to be a drill sergeant in the military when I grow up because then I can order people around and there aren’t any children there! I’d like to be Viola Swamp from the Miss Nelson books, and if I could read any book at each story time, I’d read Absolutely Awful Alphabet by Mordicai Gerstein.
A word of explanation: The Crabby Librarian was born in the summer of 2006 as a way to promote an animal themed summer reading program at the elementary schools. Using a reverse psychology approach--telling children NOT to read during the summer--she convinces the children to read and earn prizes. She famously NEVER wants to give away prizes because she feels the children are undeserving. This character has been such a success that she has been brought back summer after summer. The real question is, will the Crabby Librarian decide to start coming out at times other than summer reading?